Beast Boy's Rant 1
by ravengirlxx
Summary: Beast Boy rants on about random things in his everyday life. Extremely funny topics such as: Couple shippers, pedophiles, and more. Review.


Disclaimer: I still don't own Teen Titans, never did. So, whoever they belong to is who they belong to, yeah, that sounds about right.

A/N: This is my second fanfiction for Teen Titans, but don't go easy on me, a real writer needs the truth. Flames are WELCOME! Review please.

Have you ever been so just pissed with those guys that just think they're so badass? I mean, what the fuck? Just because they can like do stuff like, walk up the sides of walls, or can breath under water, and the worst one, because they have a British accent. I'm not putting them down or anything but, everyday society norms can do that easy. I mean, you can walk up to any ol' Joe Schmoe on the street and throw him in a lake and he won't drown. You wanna know why? Because underwater breathers are NOT badass. Except for me of course. When I do things, they are totally cool. Not like when Robin comes out if no where and is always catching Starfire right before she hits the ground. Like, WHAT? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

And that brings me to a whole new subject. How can a guy with no superpowers be the leader? I know, he has the skill and agility, but I'm the green heart-throb, chicks dig me. They all think I'm badass even when they don't say it. Like all of those fandom chats, I look at those. And 95% of the comments are about some shit like, "Robin's so sexy, I just want him!" or "When Robin did that serious stare at Slade, OH MY GAWDDD!" So then we get the next three percent, pairings.

When I say pairings, I mean terrible, disgusting, make-you-want-to-throw-up-your-stomach kind of stuff. Okay, I understand all of the comments about Robin and Starfire, it just makes sense. But the Robin and Raven stuff needs to go. And NO, I'm not jealous; I'm too badass for jealousy. It just makes me a bit pissed is all. How could Robin and Raven ever get together? Those stupid fangirls are all into to it. Saying shit like, "Robin and Raven are meant to be. Did you see the way he caught her before she hit the ground when Slade dropped her off of the roof?" When did this even happen? Where was I, GETTING DOUGHNUTS? I'm pretty sure I would remember something like that. And I really hope that Robin wasn't getting all extreme and talkin' shit. When I say this, I mean that I hope he wasn't trying to impress her. I've been trying to get her to laugh for FOUR DAMN YEARS! Oh, but when bird boy swoops down and saves a girl it's different. I have totally saved Raven more times than Robin. Not that it matters anyway, I'm so badass, I don't need to impress a girl. It's all about the ears. But back too the subject. Those fangirls need to chill. They talk about Robin and Raven (Yes, I'm still on this) as if they are fucking characters in a poem. This comment was by far the worst:

"Raven and Robin belong together because they are both birds and they soar through the sky together to never leave each other lonely." BULLSHIT! TOTAL, UTTER BULLSHIT! HOW THE HELL CAN THEY BOTH FLY WITH EACHOTHER? ROBIN. CAN'T. FLY! And it's 'cause he is not badass enough to fly. Oh yeah, I got ya, you stupid fangirls. Damn shippers.

Now, to the next pairing. The Beast Boy and Raven shippers are like totally stupid. I mean come on, how could Raven and I ever get together? I am WAY too badass for her. But it at least makes sense what these fan girls are saying. I guess they're girls, sometimes I am a bit suspicious. But how do we even know that we are guys and not girls trapped in guys bodies. What if I am a girl? Okay, I am thinking too much and I'm making myself feel bad. But again, to the topic.

The fanhumans/mystical creatures actually do make some good points for me and my not-so-badass teammate. They say things like, "Beast Boy gave her that penny for luck, so sweet." But I'm not sweet, I'M A BADASS GREEN HEART-THROB WHO IS AMAZING! And the other ones were like, "AWW, that was the sweetest hug ever." or "Beast Boy turned into the beast to save Raven, how adorable." Yeah, I know, 'The Beast' and Raven being saved, yada yada. But that just goes to show how I have saved Raven more times than Robin has, just saying.

And my all-time favorite, "At least there was no Cyborg at the end to mess up a good BBxRae moment" Come to think of it, Cyborg does mess up a lot of out moments. Not like it matters anyway, I'm still too manly for "moments".

Now for the weird stuff. So these fanhumans/mystical creatures have come up with a new brand of stupidity and decided it was a good idea to put people together that should NOT be together. Such as:

Beast Boy and Starfire.

Me: No.

Cyborg and Starfire.

Me: No, Cyborg is forever alone because girls don't think he's badass enough (which is he's NOT!)

Cyborg and Raven.

Me: How the…? I don't even want to talk about it

Stafire and Raven.

Me: Okay, this is past the line of insanity, WHAT THE HELL?

Malchior and Raven.

Me: NO! THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST PAIRING EVER! I WOULD RATHER HAVE STARFIRE AND RAVEN TOGETHER THAN THESE TWO! And no, I'm not jealous, I'm too much of a man for that. Besides, Malchior is a pedo anyway. He probably works alongside Slade and Kardiak to get their prey.

And while on the topic of pedophiles, what is their problem. I mean, do they have some kind of group and a plan. I can imagine that.

*Role play*

Slade: Okay. Malchior, you and I are going to target the teenagers of the Teen Titans. Kardiak, you go to the park and get the little tikes.

Malchior: But won't the Teen Titans stop me if I just walk up to their door?

Slade: No, you'll be a part of a book, and you will let Raven let her guard down, then come out and do what you do best.

Malchior: Okay, got it. I'll see you back here at the lair to discuss future plans. *Leaves*

Slade: Kardiak, you are a decoy for the Titans to leave the tower so Malchior can get in. Now don't forget, be original. Don't follow in the footsteps of those other pedophiles. Don't use candy, and don't use a van. And me. I am going after a little birdie boy. This should be fun.

*Role Play Ended*

Yeah, that is actually pretty accurate. Think about it, Kardiak is SOO original. He used the bushes to hide himself instead of a van, and he used a jack-in-the-box to lure the kids over. Slade must be so proud. And there you have it, a day in the life of the Teen Titans. "Everyone drop what you doing and go beat up a mechanical heart that is stalking children in the night trying to eat them." What the fuck Slade? I feel like he is REALLY reaching with Kadiack. "Here, it's a human heart with vacuum cleaners instead of arteries. BUILD IT!" Where does he get this stuff?

And talking about Slade, I still haven't forgotten about the dropping Raven off of the roof. I still don't get it. How could no one else notice a teenage girl falling off the top of a building? What, were they all to busy getting their daily "fix"? Like, " Yo Joe, can you bump me a cig?" And this starts a whole new argument. "No, my cigs are mine. Go bum off of someone else." And then the rest transpires thus, they don't notice the pedophile holding Raven at the top of a building. I mean jeez Slade, have some decency. I'm pretty sure the whole town doesn't want to see some pedobear mess up some girls mental state for the rest of her life.

And that's the worst. Slade is totally just tampering with young minds of Jump City. He was so bad, Robin (who STILL isn't badass) to the brink of insanity and haunted him. He totally violated Raven (although I still don't know where I was during this), and who knows what he did to Terra.

Whoa, I just remembered Terra. That stupid bitch! She was about to sacrifice herself and she used he last words to forever friend-zone me. The nerve of some people. Then she has the fucking nerve to show up, then supposedly "forget" her self and her name. Like, " How the fuck do you forget your own name? Just make one, doofus!" I know I acted nice towards her, but it was only because it was in the script. Backstage, we are SOO NOT FRIENDS! She too lame for someone who is so badass (that would be me, not Robin. And NOT Aqualad)!

On top of that, me and Cyborg are in a heated fight. He's been acted all brand new lately. That jack-off.

Okay, so here's how it went. He was just eating his stupid bacon. So I decide that I'm gonna make some tofu bacon. And the next turn of events are the most awkward things that have ever happened to me.

*Awkward Flashback*

Me: Mmmm, tofu bacon. Much better than that shit on your plate, chrome dome.

Cy: Know what BB. I love you man, your always so sweet. Like a little, cuddly monkey that where's spandex.

Me: Does the word BADASS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU! And did you take your pills this morning.

Cy: Oh Beast Boy, stop it. You're making me blush.

Me: Okay, I guess you didn't. Cyborg, go take you damn meds.

Cy: Oh I did.

Me: Dude, no you DIDN'T! Go take that bottled shit or I will shove it down your throat for you!

Cy: Ahhh, you stole my cheese! HELP, HELP! OH WHAT EVER WILL I DO?

Me: Okay, I'm leaving.

Cy: NO. *tackles me* YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE!

Me: Dude, did you just LICK me?

CY: I should have eaten you a long time ago.

Me: Fuck OFF! DUDE GO!

*Awkward Flashback End*

Yeah, and you thought Slade was creepy. But I got him to take his meds, I'm still scared though.

Okay, all this bitching and complaining I making me tired. It's not as easy as you think. And to all those fangirls who love Robin, HE'S NOT BADASS! Just saying.


End file.
